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Growing Communication in this Great Circle of Life

I wrote this piece here 11 years ago in 2012 – I am now 72 Winters

“I am 61 winters. I have had my website for over 15 years now. It has been quite a while since I written anything here or anywhere for that matter.  I have been taking time to figure out what I want to do from now on… and how I want to share my life… and of course contribute to society.

When I recall most of what I have shared up until now , I am satisfied with what I have shared and how I have shared it. I include my focus, my goals and I have shared according to my conditioning throughout my life… based on the injustices and the social issues which I have lived. I realize that many times that have written from “a strong emotional” place and have not always made clear that I wish to help others – all peoples – to feel supported and worthy of healthy consideration.

I can honestly say that I have lived many sides of life… from being born to a “Native Canadian mixed blood” family and growing up – in an impoverished and socially troubled family in the slums of Winnipeg’s notorious CORE AREA to running away and “living” the good the bad and the ugly of many parts of this world. I see my life experiences and my history as diverse. My heart and my mind did not go in balance and in harmony… although I dreamed and wished and sought – freedom from many familial, society and environmentally imposed negatives. I lived my troubles and though I didn’t really want to cause my self more heart – I often did!

I am a Native North American Indigenous man… I am of mixed blood. I am “Metis”. (My first use of this word… I use this word as a  name for socialized identification purposes only. I understand the shame-based ignorance of my mother and father. And I honor my Mother and Father) I have Dakota/Lakota Sioux blood, Ojibwa and Cree, Scottish and very little French DNA. I have 0.07 % Korean!!

I am dark skinned and am proud of my blood. Like I said – I grew up as many of us – based in shame and acting a sometimes aggressive-violent-arrogant front because of my colonization.

I have not always known true pride and love for my self and for my people.  I certainly did not live healthy – showing well balanced feelings and thought toward other human beings and especially to others in close family relations

Here I share this is part of my life being troubled and part of my intent on helping you or someone close to you –  here.
I identify strongest through my Dakota/Lakota Sioux blood – as a follower of the traditional ways of the sacred ceremonies of my tribe.

I grew up looking like an “Indian”. Hearing from TV, Radio, newspapers and school and church – things like “savages” fucken drunken lazy” and more… So I struggled with my image. I suffered for it in many ways. From my home – to church – to school – to stores – everywhere. I have gone though so many deeply negatively impacting experiences that caused deep disturbance and distortion of who I wanted to be.

Negative experiences which have caused me to define myself as “a historical  Indian” and I have evolved into knowing and feeling self-acceptance as a human being and truly loving my brown skin. My shame and pain were addressed through contemporary therapy, group attendance, reading healthy recovery materials, attending many workshops and trainings.

I attended deep emotional healing therapy – group experiential psycho-drama therapy with people who turned out to be mostly people of the medical mental health field. I did 11 sessions of 8-day experiential therapy and training at Onsite Workshops. It was called “OnSite Training and Consulting” then located just out side Rapid City, South Dakota. It moved for a very short time with Sierra Tucson Treatment sent in Arizona. It is now in Cumberland Furnace, Tennessee. I trained with Phil Lane at 4 Worlds. I went to addictions therapy at Sierra Tucson for 3 rounds of 12 Step Alcohol and Addictions therapy for a total stay of 29 days and I had already been clean and sober for many years. I had a great home-based personal therapist in Winnipeg throughout my years of therapy at OnSite. I attended Adult Children and AA and Co-Dependency groups for more that 15 years.

And MOST significant to me – I found the traditional way of my tribal people. A man called – Tobasonakwut Kinew. He heard about me – sought me out and befriended me in 1977. He eventually brought to Dakota Tipi and Chief Dennis Pashe who led all of us to Crow Dog’s Paradise – where I was strengthened and accepted HOME as a Tribal Man. This is at the same time I found the place where I started doing experiential psycho-drama.

For many years now, my focus is to assist others in a healthy, well and balanced way to do the same for themselves. And to always remember – to be aware and conscientious in how I live and relate with and to others.

I am Wambdi Naghi Hoshida – EagleSpirit Boy

**This piece was written in 2012 and revised in 2024**

 

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